Always
by onceuponamockingjay
Summary: Cannon divergence. "Eventually my breathing evened out and the sobs stopped. Peeta, still holding me, lifted my head to look at him. "Katniss..." he stopped for a moment, "You love me, real or not real?" "Real." It always was." Drabble/One Shot. Lemon. Review please, it's nice to know what you guys think!


**_A/N: Hi! So yeah, I wrote this in the middle of the night. This is my first Hunger Games fic and there is some explicit content, so be warned! I hope you guys like it_**. **_Disclaimer is on my profile._**

* * *

It was so ironic, how Peeta was hijacked by the Capitol and it made my heart fall into my stomach. Kind hearted Peeta, so intent on not being a piece in their game, became a tool in their hands and it killed me.

It was my entire fault, really. I felt it in my gut not to split up in the arena, and I let it happened. It was my job to keep him alive and all I've succeeded to do was let the Capitol rip out his soul and turn him into some mutt.

And now he saw me for whom I really was; Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly. And that's what hurt the most.

A part of me hated him for it.

What was I supposed to do? Let him go? Can I honestly do that?

No I can't, and I'm sure President Snow was aware of that before I was, and that was why I had to do this.

I steeled myself as I made my way of my assigned room, it wasn't on my schedule but, I didn't concern myself with it.

"Some perk for being the Mockingjay," I muttered under my breath.

I continued down the corridor, finally reaching his room. Coin had decided he was well enough to be a part of the general masses a week ago, although I still see guards watching him closely, especially around me.

I found myself frozen with my hand on the metal door. The coolness kept me grounded as I worked up the courage to face him. With a shuddering breath, I had rapt against the door, my fist shaking slightly.

As soon as I registered the knocking sound I pulled my fist from the door, holding it in my other hand as if I hurt it. After everything I've been through, my nerves never seemed as powerful as they were right now. I could feel my head pulsing and my heart pumping right through my chest.

However, my heart almost stopped when he opened the door.

Standing in his assigned outfit, he was glaring at me so icily, his blue eyes looked like glaciers and I couldn't help but shiver from the coldness.

"Mutt," he spat. "What the hell are you doing here?"

The words caught in my throat and I felt my resolve leaving me. if he noticed, he didn't say anything, although he looked annoyed.

"Stop wasting my time, Katniss," he hissed and began to close his door. I quickly pushed back on it, forcing the words out.

"Peeta, I just want to talk, I know I'm not your favorite person, but I did technically save your life, so I think I've earned this, just this."

I was panting from rushing the words out. His eyes clouded with confusion, eyebrows creasing. And then he stepped aside, giving me permission into his room. My heart beat sped up again as I stood awkwardly in the middle of his room.

I wasn't one hundred percent confident that he didn't want to kill me anymore, but I needed to do this for myself and it was honestly worth trying, if it meant getting the boy with the bread back.

Peeta shut the door with a soft thud. He turned his attention to me, looking warily.

"What do you want from me?" His eyes locked on mine and I gulped from the scrutiny.

"A chance, okay?" I took in a sharp breath. "The Capitol did horrible things to you, I understand that, and I know I'm the last person you want to associate with, but I just want a chance to help."

He laughed in my face like it was the funniest thing he's heard in a long while; maybe it was.

"Mut- Katniss," he forced out, "You are the problem. I hate you, or I think I do, but sometimes when I start thinking very hard, you seem less like a mutt and it's so frustrating!"

He was pacing back and forth, pulling on his blonde hair.

"Then let me help you! I know what's real and what isn't, Peeta! Please?" I know I was begging, but there was a chance to get him back and I was going to take it; I needed to take it.

"How can you help? How can I even trust you?" He stopped, letting his head fall in defeat.

I had to think about that question. He was making a valid point. How could he trust me? All I've been doing is hurting him.

I felt the sting of tears pricking at my eyes and I forced them back. This wasn't the time to be weak.

I took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes, "Because everyone else here seems to think I'm alright. They trust me. I know it won't be easy, but at least you know that for sure."

Peeta seemed to ponder that and began to nod, "Fine."

My eyes widened some, he really seemed accepting.

"How are you going to help?" The statement felt forced, like he was humoring me. Although it hits at my pride, I take what I can get from him. At least he was giving me a chance.

I licked my lips and pressed on, "Tell me a memory and I'll tell you if It's real or not. If you're really unsure of my answer, we can find someone to back to me up, if it makes you feel more comfortable."

He physically relaxed at this, which in turn put me at ease. We stayed a safe distance away from each other, but he began and I listened. And I answered as truthfully as possible.

* * *

Eventually this became our routine. Me sneaking into his room, him asking me things and me answering those things. And eventually we went from standing on opposite sides of the room, to standing closer, to sitting on his bed and now, with me sitting against the wall on his bed with him lying on his lap, my fingers running through his hair soothingly.

"Katniss?" I looked down at him. He continued, "We are friends...?" The question hung in the air for a moment when I thought about what he was saying. I suppose we were friends now and so I smiled down at him, "Real."

"Thank you, I guess, for helping." I could feel how difficult that was for him to say, but it still made my heart soar.

"Peeta, I..." I stopped and looked away to reign myself in. When I looked back he was nodding to himself as if he was having some private conversation I caught the end of.

And then he leaned up and kissed me.

I felt a tingling, warm feeling spread through my body, as if sparks were flying everywhere. I felt my face heat up and his eyes widened.

"Katniss... I just," but his words faltered.

"Peeta, I should go anyway, I have Mockingjay things to take care of early and I need rest," I couldn't face him.

I gently pushed his head away and began swiftly walking towards the door when his words stopped me; "You have no idea the effect you can have."

I took a deep breath and pressed on through the door. I could hear a sad chuckle through the small crack before it shut completely.

* * *

I ran.

I ran all the way back to my room and I laid on my bed all night thinking about what he said. What had he meant?

And Peeta could tell I was all up all night thinking, when I came pounding on his door the next day, with his ever so eloquent observation.

"You look like shit."

I sent him a glare and pushed passed him. I landed roughly on his bed and came out with it, "What did you mean?" His eyebrow lifted in question and I clarified.

"What did you mean by the effect I can have?" He raised his chin in understanding and made his way to sit next to me on the bed.

"I'm actually surprised you showed up today since you have the tendency to run away from things like this, or at least that's what I've gathered." He was being honest, but it still hurt being called a coward. How could I even argue against it? Isn't that exactly what I did last night?

"I know... it's just it was eating at me and my 'shit' look is what come from it," he chuckled lightly at this. It reminded me of the old Peeta.

"So you want to know what I meant." He said. I sighed and sat up, "Yes, Peeta."

He smiled softly and looked away, "You just have this way of making me like you, even when I think I hate you. I just really can't hate you anymore, Katniss. Because I know I loved you. And it's still there because I can feel it. You made me feel it again."

My breath hitched at his confession, but he didn't wait for my reaction and continued on, "I mean there's still a part of me that distrusts you. But then we lie down and talk and it sorta melts away for a while and I like that."

He finally met my eyes and I saw the old Peeta again. I reached my hand out and caressed his cheek. He flinched at first, but he kept himself there. I felt myself lean in and I placed a chaste kiss on his lips. My eyes closed in the process and when I pulled away and opened them, he gave me an unreadable expression and pulled me back in for another kiss.

The flames waged through me, begging to take control, just like they did on the beach in the arena. The kiss became sloppy, demanding, and raw; the way we felt.

He pushed me back on the bed and I let him, because we needed this.

I needed this.

* * *

The fire was burning through to my core and I was swirled in the mixture of emotion and pleasure.

His calloused hands slid under my shirt, rubbing on my bare stomach. I let out a small moan; I liked the feeling of his hands on me. They continued until reaching my bra, he looked at me questioningly, asking for permission.

I nodded.

He flipped up the cup and gently squeezed the small mound, brushing against my nipple. It sent shock waves through my body, and I felt myself tighten between my thighs. He kissed up my neck, claiming my mouth with his, making me feel alive again.

He ripped his hand away from me, gripping at the hem of my shirt and taking it off, leaving me in my pants and bra.

I watched as Peeta looked down at me, his blues eyes scanning me up and down. He growled in the back of his throat and bit down in the junction between my neck and shoulder blade, leaving me breathless.

He lapped at the bite, slowing kissing down, until he reached the valley in between my breasts. He quickly discarded the cloth in the way of my skin and took my nipple into his mouth, sucking on it greedily.

"Ahh…" I gasped out. He took that as a sign of encouragement, rubbing the other one between his middle and index finger. He lifted his head, his blonde locks disheveled and covering his face, and his eyes piercing into mine, his beauty shaking me to the core.

When had Peeta learned to do this? Surely not in the Capitol…

The thought left me when I felt his lips fluttering against my stomach, sending a tickling sensation through my body, leaving me with a delicious feeling and goosebumps.

"You like that…" he muttered, probably to himself, but hearing him say that sent jolts down to my core, soaking me through my panties.

His lips and tongue traveled down my body, circling my navel, teasing me the best way possible. His assault continued, reaching the hem of my pants. He stuck his tongue under the waistband of my pants, licking slowly a crossed my waist. I let out a small gasp; that had felt good.

Soon I realized I was withering under him, so lost in the ecstasy, letting my guard down, although it's too late for that. He's pulling me in and I wanted him to see me, the real me.

I wanted him to make love to Katniss Everdeen, the girl who likes green. The girl with the bow and arrow. Not the girl on fire or the Mockingjay. I'm _not _a mutt from the Capitol and I need Peeta to understand that.

I was pulled from my thoughts by his warm hand finding its way under the waistband of my pants, touching me at my center. The feeling of his hand just lying there has me pulsing with need and I can't help rubbing against him for much needed friction.

He let out a small chuckle, as though he has me where he wants me, and began to rub me in a slow, circular motion.

I suppose he did have me where he wanted me, especially when he dipped the tip of his middle finger into my opening. All I wanted was for him to give me more.

He teased me for a moment, dipping his finger in me, then rubbing my clit and I couldn't help but release a moan, loud and full, it echoed throughout his entire room.

Peeta shifted on the bed, rubbing his hardness against my leg. I enjoyed the fact it was me giving him those feelings.

Seemingly satisfied with his torturous pleasure, he gripped the waistband of my pants and panties, pulling them down in one swift movement. I lifted my hips up in the process, helping him take them off.

He placed a hand on each of my thighs, pulling them apart, exposing him to me. I turned my head away, what he was doing felt good, but no one had seen me in such an intimate way before and it frightened me some.

When I finally got the courage to look back at him, he was staring at my core intensely, and then he dipped his head down, dragging his tongue from the bottom to the top of my slit.

"Peeta…" I gasped out. His tongue was so wet and warm. He hardened it, pushing it inside me, growling as he did so.

He pulled it back out of me, "You taste so good, Katniss." And he went back down, licking my clit languidly. He soon took it into his mouth, sucking and nibbling on it. The intense feeling gave me small spasms throughout my body.

I heard the shuffling of clothes and when Peeta lifted his head and stoop up, I saw that he was naked. I admired his beauty. He was thin, because of the rations and I could see the small scars that littered his body, but his nakedness invoked more heat in me, he was really stunning. I reached up and ran my hand down his abdomen, receiving a hiss from him. He shoved my hand back, crawling in between my thighs.

His length was warm, resting against my opening. He placed both his hands on either side of my head. "Are you sure, Katniss? I know I love you, but I may not be able to control myself…"

I nodded; I knew I was sure of this.

He kept my eye contact, reaching down his body to grab his girth, guiding it in to me. I gritted my teeth; unaccustomed to the feeling, it was extremely uncomfortable, but not unwelcomed.

His thrusts were shallow at first, giving me a moment to get use to his size. And soon the pain was an afterthought as my body hummed with ecstasy. He picked up the speed of his thrusts, using his hands to pull my thighs further apart, it was painful, but it added so nicely to the pleasure I couldn't mind the minor annoyance.

He soon lifted my hips up, reaching deeper into me, hitting my pleasure spot a few times in the process. I broke his eye contact to throw my head back, eyes closing. I snaked my hand down my body, rubbing my clit furiously as he hammered into me. I looked back at him, his hair a strayed, sticking to his forehead from the sweat. His teeth were gritted and his eyes dark and glazed over in lust.

I knew then that he had lost control.

I felt an intense heat course through my body; I was going to cum. He dived into me faster and harder and that combined with the stimulation on my clit, I came. I shouted his name to the ceiling, squeezing on his length. He soon was grunting, pumping as fast as he could, until he shoved into me as deep as he could go, biting into my neck.

When he finally unlocked his jaw form my neck, he placed gentle kisses all over my face and neck, chanting "I love you, I love you so much."

* * *

When the euphoria wore down, I was lying on his chest like I did on the Victory Tour, like we used to. And I cried. I felt the emotional dam break and I let it all out. Peeta held me through the whole thing; he was all I had to grip to. He was the only person who understands what I've been through and who I am. I may never get the old Peeta back, but he is my Peeta.

Eventually my breathing evened out and the sobs stopped. Peeta, still holding me, lifted my head to look at him. "Katniss..." he stopped for a moment, "You love me, real or not real?"

"Real."

It always was.

* * *

**_A/N: Thank you for taking the time for reading this. Review? It helps a lot to know what you guys think! Love you all! -L_**


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